I am going tonight to see the movieThe Perks of Being a Wallflower. But I am pretty sure it is the movie I saw a preview for where someone says ” we accept the love we think we deserve.” Boy, that sure hit me as a problem in my pattern. Speaking of deserving, I typed this last night:
Just got done meeting for the first time with the wonderful lady who owned the condo below Coit Tower. We really enjoyed conversing for over 90 minutes, then we headed to the Little Vine wine shop for Thursday tasting. She is actually married to a Swede these last 10 years. That is the country she has been in, not Switzerland as I erroneously thought. Her husband will join her here in a couple of weeks, stay two months, and then they will leave for Sweden in mid December. She has lived a very interesting life, and is still employed part time by the State Department: she takes visiting ambassadors on ” learning” tours in the U.S. Her husband does some similar work. We thoroughly enjoyed our time together and have agreed to meet again.
I came back toward my condo thinking about thoughts I have had regarding ” living in a cheaper place”. Yet I love where I am, feel safe, have a Safeway a block awAy within my complex, and I just realized how TIRED I am of feeling like somehow I don’t deserve to spend money for the sake of my own comfort and well being. I am even tired of other people questioning how much this is costing.
I spent 33 years in a helping profession. For my first year of teaching in a private school I earned a whopping $4000– for the whole year!!! When I got a public school job 3 years later, my salary jumped to around $15,000. By the time I completed my career, having NOT been able to obtain a Master’s degree for several reasons but primarily a result of my 2nd marriage, I still never broke the $60,000 a year mark. Despite this, I was able to save some money within the portion of my retirement program that I can access now. And I am doing so! And I don’t really care what anyone thinks, because why did I save the money if it wasn’t to use to LIVE my life?? Right now I am doing the best thing for me that I have done in a very long time. I take responsibility for how I live, money I spend, and choices I make. I can only hope you feel the same about your own life, as it is very empowering.
(Geez, she sounds pissed. Maybe just a little. A little wine helps. Thank you to the far majority of people who seem to celebrate what I am doing)
kquinster 
Doing nothing but….non stop. Remain firm in your convictions and carry on. We pass through this world but once……
Yes, yes, what Cary said 🙂 We celebrate with you!
Thanks, guys! It is so hard to overcome messages we grew up with and that we persisted in allowing in our lives through choices that maybe continued to reflect that we didn’t subconsciously think we deserved better. Still it is so easy to fall back into operating on emotion vs. choices in our best interest. Life isn’t easy. it just IS as it is.
Karen…you are so right “it is what it is” and as long as you are happy & enjoying life…that is ALL that really matters in this short life on earth….continue on to your hearts desire!! I love who you are and wish you the best time ever!!